Seriously, it's just one mountain of shit after another after another after another. May, 2008- A retard stupid friend of mine convinced me that we should go down to a casino and use fake ID's to get in so we can drink and gamble. I was such a lost kid at this point that I couldn't tell a bad idea from a good idea so I did it. Well, we got caught by security and I got arrested and charged with a Class A misdemeanor. My retard friend ran away so he never got charged. I found a lawyer and he wanted $1200 to help me with this. He got it knocked down to 50 hours of community service, probation, and the charges would get dropped. No big deal I thought. My girlfriend thought that I was a badass. June, 2008- After quitting my 5th shitty job I realized that I either need an eduaction/training or I needed to start a business. Since I was still living at home, I figured now would be a great time to take the risk. I had over $7,000 saved up, and my dad finally found a good paying job again. He was making about $800/week and working around 60-65 hours. He is 61 years old. My girlfriend was impressed and totally supported my idea. July, 2008- After lots of research, I decided that starting up a website selling car audio equipment was what I was going to do. The problem? I didn't know shit about starting a business or making websites or anything. So I decided to pay a coaching company to teach me how everything should be done. The cost of this program was $3600. Also, aside from my business venture, some stupid ass "friends" and I decided to get drunk and steal some golf carts and destroy shit. We though we would never get caught. One of these friends was the same idiot that convinced me to go to the casino. October, 2008- FINALLY! My website was setup and running. I worked FURIOUSLY over the last 2 months to get everything going. I burned through my entire $7,000, plus I had to sell A LOT of my shit to support myself while I was doing this. At this point I am completely BROKE! My relationship with my girlfriend suffered pretty bad since I was always working on the business. I got her all hyped up that once this business started rolling then I would have money and things would be cool again. I started doing my community service hours from my Class A misdemeanor. November, 2008- Business went nowhere. In fact, some asshole scammed me for over $800 because he used a stolen credit card. I lost the money AND the equipment. I didn't have enough money in my bank account to cover this so I had to borrow money from my mother. I felt like a failure. Overall my net profit for this month was -$200. Also, a detective showed up at my house and questioned me about the golf cart incident. He told me that 2 of my friends ratted us all out already and that he wouldn't charge me with a crime if I testified along with them against the 4th member of our group. I told him I don't know what he is talking about and he left. Those idiot friends that ratted us all out stopped answering my phone calls and I have yet to hear from them. Eventually I found out that they indeed ratted us all out. December, 2008- Business was pretty good because of Christmas season. I made about $1000 this month. This is the last time I would see this kind of profit to this day. I was still broke since I had to pay my mother back. My relationship with my girl was suffering more. I began to feel very frustrated. I got yet another job working as a car salesman at an Acura dealership. I promised my girl that I would be good at selling cars and we would move into an apartment within the next 3 months. January, 2009- I got a call from the 4th friend saying he just got picked up on a warrant for the golf cart incident. He said I have a warrant out for my arrest as well. I checked and indeed I had a warrant. I got a lawyer and turned myself in. I was completely broke and the lawyer wanted $3500 to represent me. Once again I had to borrow money from my mother. Business was shitty, I still haven't sold a SINGLE car, and community service hours needed to be done. I was so fucking busy and stressed at this point that I rarely had time to see my girl. This made me sad and just added to the stress. At this point I had absolutely no idea where my life would end up. I hated my shitty job, my business was shit, I had no education, no job prospects, and basically no future. Febuary, 2009- I was so broke that I sold my car for $2100 and bought a piece of shit car for $800 so now I had an extra $1200 that I could use to pay my mom back. I still hadn't sold a car which meant that you just get a check for minimum wage for the hours you work. I was making $260/week working 45 hours and doing community service on my time off. Business was ok, I made about $400 but it all went to my lawyer. Basically at this point any money I had would go straight into paying my lawyer off. I still had no time for my girl and things began to fall apart between us. I felt like a failure because I didn't sell a single fucking car yet, my business wasn't doing nearly as good as I though it would, and I made empty promises to my girl. My father also got really really sick this month and stopped going into work. The poor guy got a serious skin rash and he was up all night coughing, sweating, and he felt like complete shit the last half of the month. March, 2009- I finally got fired from the dealership due to my bad performance. I was still broke and driving my $800 beater which started leaking from the sunroof. I went to court and realized just how fucked I am with these felony charges. I was looking at $30,000 in damage that I might have to pay back along with a felony conviction. My father finally went to the hospital and was diagnosed with cancer. He was in such bad shape that my family and I could barely look at him. My mother started pissing me off so I said a few words about her and my older sister jumped on me and beat the shit out of me. I finally finished my community service hours and my lawyer was almost paid off. At this point I was in such bad shape my my girlfriend and I hadn't gone out and had fun in over 3 months. We just sat around and didn't do shit because we were both broke and I was so fucking stressed that I wasn't even fun to be around anymore. She started giving me the silent treatment. I went from having good money saved up and 2 cars, to being broke, in debt, driving a really shitty beater, and in such deep shit with the law that I felt completely hopeless. April, 2009- Girlfriend broke up with me and started dating someone new within a week. My dad was out of work, depressed, and giving up on life since the doctors didn't give him much longer to live. I had credit card debt and had to start helping out around the house with the bills because my dad wasn't going to. I couldn't find work so I filed for unemployment and lucking they gave it to me. I was getting $221/week. My business did ok, I profited close to $400 but once again it all went to bills/lawyer/credit card. I went back to court for my Class A misdemeanor and found that I violated the probation since I got charged with the felonies so the charges for using the fake ID were re-instated. My lawyer for this case told me that he was too busy to help me. So I did all that community service for absolutely nothing. I wanted to die. May, 2009- Not much happened. I just lived off of unemployment and went to court 2 times a month. I wept almost every night because I missed her so much. Dad was still sick and depressed and my poor mom was working every day to make ends meet. Business was shitty. Life still sucked. I was so stressed and had so much on my mind and on top of it I couldn't figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my life. Nothing interested me at all. I was pretty sure i'd be miserable for the rest of my life. I finally got rid of the $800 piece of shit car and upgraded to a $1700 nicer piece of shit. I had to borrow money from my grandmother to pay for the difference in cost. June, 2009- I had about $1,000 saved up again so I decided to put it to good use. I decided that for someone like me, the best job I could have and enjoy would be to become a firefighter. I enrolled in an EMT-B course at a local community college. I made just enough money to pay credit cards off and pay for gas to drive to classes. Business picked up this month, made about $400 again so i used it to pay my grandma back. July, 2009- I guess this has been the best month yet. I finished the EMT-B class with a 91%, I finally paid ALL OF MY FUCKING DEBT OFF, and my business did pretty well, about $600. My dad's depressed went away and he will fight the cancer as best he can so he can try to live. I got a call from my lawyer today representing me for my felony cases. He told me he struck me a deal where the felony would get reduced to a misdemeanor and I would get smacked with about $14,000 in restitution that I would have to pay back for the damage that we caused. So my options are to either fight the felony in trial or accept the misdemeanor and pay a shitload of money back.....great, MORE FUCKING DEBT! I'm stressed beyond my wits end. I don't know how to handle it anymore. I tried coming to these forums for help but all I was told was to go see a therapist. Right, and where the fuck will the money come from for that? August, 2009- Who the fuck knows? I will decide if I will take my felony case to trial or if I will accept the misdemeanor and the big ass fine. I am going to my sentencing date for my ID fraud misdemeanor later this month and who the fuck knows what the judge will give me for that since I don't have a lawyer for it anymore. I probably won't be able to get hired on a fire department with 2 misdemeanors so maybe that one fucking career choice that would of made me happy will probably go out the window. After all this shit I still miss my girlfriend, I'm still broke, my dad is still dying, my poor mother is working her ass off, I have no friends, and I still live at home and probably will for a long long time if I have to pay that $14,000 back. What the fuck do I have to look forward to? I made some bad choices with friends and now look how bad I am fucked. Sometimes I check facebook and see how much fun other people look like they are having and I wonder how nice it must be to live life like that. Meanwhile I just sit here rotting away and not looking forward to anything that is going to happen any time soon...and i'm lonely on top of it. I don't go anywhere, I don't do anything. I don't spend any money unless i absolutely have to. I havn't gotten laid in months either. It's just me and my weekly unemployment check until I go to court and get fucked in the ass with these costs and punishments after which I can continue doing nothing until i'm all caught up. I won't get laid until then. I have no confience anymore. I'm in no shape to date anyone and i'd even feel guilty leading a girl on when I know that nothing will happen between us. There is no place for us to even have sex if we just decided to do only that. I am in no shape for a relationship at all. I am in no shape for anything until my life gets caught up but I will be so far behind by then that It'll just a joke at that point. What the fuck have I gotten myself into. If only I knew better than to hang out with such dumbass idiot friends. Fuck.