I tried to join a club at school but since its not a major University there are no clubs. I have been applying for jobs but I can't get one, not even a seasonal one because I can't do the hours they want. It's just now hitting me how I will never again get to see the person I was so close to getting married too. In this time none of my friends are doing anything with me anymore. They are all off doing things with their friends. I got out of this relationship and I didn't talk to people for so long I lost everyone. On top of that I hate Christmas more then anything, it is the worst time of the year and it has been since I was 12. Last night was the first time in a really long time I could not get a hold of anyone to do something with. I was at home, alone on a Friday. A ton of people said they would call me back but only two people did and one had work and the other was doing something with his friends. The group of friends I used to have has fallen appart and the one person I am good friends with does not seem to care about getting another group. He just wants to work and take it easy. Playing video games makes me feel like crap, sitting here on the computer makes me feel like crap. Whenever I try to get up and do something I just end up driving around. I will go out to do something and not even do it. I will just drive around for an hour and come home. I am tired and I just go to bed early and I sleep late. It's not even sleep, I will go to bed at 10pm and wake up at like 2am and lay there and not be able to go back to sleep. I also don't want to get up even though I can't sleep. I always have found some comfort in laying in bed. My whole day is get up at 10am, go to class, then pretend like I have something to do and drive around. Then go home at 1:30pm and sit here on the computer. I can't even play video games so I usually just listen to music until like 10pm and go to bed because I have nothing to do, and repeat. I am getting 12-13 hours of sleep everyday, if I do sleep. I am a very round about person, I am not happy doing just one thing. I like video games and enjoy playing them but I can't sit there and play them all weekend like some people. I like cars but I am not great at cars. It is like I am not good enough to fit into one group of people. I know a little bit about everything and I can relate to everyone. I can be friends with anyone no problem. It's just I don't enjoy the group so much when I get into it. There are some new people I could chill with at school right now but they are all into being pot heads adn I got out of that in high school because I consider that life style a waste of time. I know all of this makes me seem anti-social but the truth is I am not at all. I love to be around people and the fact that I have no one to be around anymore is killing me. I enjoy large groups offriends, I had so much more. I threw parties back in high school and I still miss the past. How did I go from knowing everyone to having lost everyone. Hmm, well I guess it's a stupid question. One of my friends in high school was one of the most popluar kids there and I was his best friend. Because of him, I knew everyone and it was parties non-stop. Some of the best years of my life. Well he was forced to move away for two years and when he came back he didn't care about having a social life again but everything was fine because I found the love of my life. She left me and I started to care about knowing everyone again and having a social life. Well me and my friend no longer really knew anyone besides a few older people who didn't even go to college. I want my social life back but my friend seems to not care at all like I said early. Going to parties and what not is what we used to do and he doesn't even care anymore. Back in the day it was the classic duo. My friend was the bad ass who knew everyone and could find a party everynight and I was the smart kid who kept us from getting arrested everynite. It was a winning combo, all the stuff we did and never got arrested. To get back in the enviroment would be very hard for me because to have a really good social life you have to know girls because guys + guys does not equal girls. That is my friends mistake, he knows it but I don't think he cares. If we do anything, its always call up the guys type shit. Since we are hanging out with guys half the people we call don't even show up and it ends up being like 4 guys sitting at a bar. To me thats a waste of a nite. I want to be living my life and not sitting at a bar with guys and paying three bucks for a beer. All this bitching and I know the awnser is. Get a job and work a fair amount, focus on school and try to meet more people there and try to join some clubs or something. Well class does not start until Jan and I have been trying to get a job and we have no clubs. I know it is all simple but it seems impossible now. I laid on my ass saying oh, I could get a job the first day I went out and look. Now I really can't find one. Jobs around here in this college town do not open until summer, any other time good luck. I made some goals that I think would make my life alot better. Lose some weight and exercise everyday Get a job that puts me around people like me Find 10 more girls Clear my face up Do good in school , get tutors and stop getting D's Sounds simple but feels so impossible. I can't even finish cleaning my room, I cleaned half of it and just never did the rest. I will have motivation for like 2 days then its gone. Am I the only one that has every felt like this?