LOVE Things that make or break long term relationships

ForgottenSpiral

Hope and Irony
OT Supporter
Feb 2, 2004
23,336
NoVA
I pose this question to any and all who have been in and are in long term relationships. What things make someone worth staying with? What things are worth leaving over? It can be something personal to you or something you concider to be universal.

Examples: Do your partner have to be funny? What if they are poor? How about if they are Catholic? Do you need the freedom to flirt with others? Are you okay with the man being a stay at home dad? Etc.

List your "must haves" and "deal breakers"!
 

lamour

New Member
Dec 9, 2008
60
I pose this question to any and all who have been in and are in long term relationships. What things make someone worth staying with? What things are worth leaving over? It can be something personal to you or something you concider to be universal.

Examples: Do your partner have to be funny? What if they are poor? How about if they are Catholic? Do you need the freedom to flirt with others? Are you okay with the man being a stay at home dad? Etc.

List your "must haves" and "deal breakers"!


must have communication, and in the you have to want the same things.
 

Toxica

Active Member
Mar 10, 2008
1,993
IN
Deal breakers for me are: cheating, abusive, controlling, don't give a shit about me, or have entered friendzone and I have absolutely no attraction towards them.

Must have: able to communicate, trustworthy, sense of humor, focuses more time with me than with other womenz (cause I get jealous :o), not able to become "pussy whooped" because I like a manly man. :hsugh:
 
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TS
ForgottenSpiral

ForgottenSpiral

Hope and Irony
OT Supporter
Feb 2, 2004
23,336
NoVA
My list (probably incomplete and subject to change):

Must Haves:
Physically attractive
Honest/open communication
Open to having children
Willingness

Deal Breakers:
Not enough sex (I'm currently trying to figure out exactly what that means)
Cheating
Drinks/uses drugs/smokes


I'm also not sure how important common interests are. My SO and I enjoy a lot of the same things (movies, party games, etc.), but I'm really into philosophy and she is really not into it. I don't think it's a dealbreaker, but it is something I wish we shared. I could see it potentially becoming a dealbreaker when I go back to school to hopefully get my doctorate. :hsugh:
 

iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,941
Musts:
Openly communicates and doesn't shut down
Good with money
Not into organized religion
Respects me
Go-getter in all facets of life
Open to new things
Loves sex
Open to children

Deal breakers:
Cheating
Giving up on himself/career/life
Addiction to drugs/alcohol/etc.
Refuses to have sex
Excessive lying
Abusive verbally or physically
 

04JETTA

OT Supporter
Apr 18, 2007
10,219
The Hoosier State
DOs
be honest
communicate
trust me as much as I trust them
willing to try new or different things
have a good sense of humor
likes to go out but doesnt mind staying in and renting a movie or something
DONTs
smoke
drink excessively
big partier
drugs (weed too)
lie to me
be close/narrow minded
 

Viper

Livin' la vida scrotum
Sep 22, 2004
76,571
In a van down by the river
In for Falconer's list again. :hs:

I have three absolute musts:

1. Complete and total honesty. No bullshit and no secrets. "Games" are fine if they aren't manipulative games and are lighthearted and challenging. I don't need to know EVERYTHING about her and expect her to have her own life, but when I say "no secrtes" I mean that nothing is considered too honest or wrong to be brought into the open.

2. Completely severed contact with ex-boyfriends. It's ok to be "friends" on a very minimal level with an ex, but none of this calling and hanging out bullshit.

3. Must realize that she will never be more important to me than my kids, and must love my kids.

Dealbreakers:

Cheating
Manipulation
Lying (can't fucking STAND a liar and my ex was the QUEEN of it)

Things I'd like to have but am not firm in/am willing to bend/comprimise on:

Similar views on religion/sprituality (basically, I don't want someone who infringes on MY beliefs or who brings me down in what I believe)
Must have a desire to be healthy and stay in shape
I would LOVE to be with someone artsy (I'm a writer, so I find myself attracted to girls who like to draw, paint, etc. In fact, there is something about a girl who can do that stuff that actually turns me on a bit)
Similar views on how to raise children

Physical traits (completely unimportant and can be thrown out the window if she meets the above criteria):

Blonde hair
Brown eyes
"Thick" ass and shallow hips

:dunno: That's all I've got so far.
 

Viper

Livin' la vida scrotum
Sep 22, 2004
76,571
In a van down by the river
OH, and btw, whenever I WANT something out of a girl, I believe that I must BE that something to her.

Not going to make a bunch of demands that I myself don't live up to.

I also will not ask a girl to change for me. If she doesn't meet my top three criteria, there is no changing her. There is simply "moving" on. Those are direct incompatibilities.
 

Falconer

Well-Known Member
Jun 23, 2006
65,535
OH, and btw, whenever I WANT something out of a girl, I believe that I must BE that something to her.

Not going to make a bunch of demands that I myself don't live up to.

I also will not ask a girl to change for me. If she doesn't meet my top three criteria, there is no changing her. There is simply "moving" on. Those are direct incompatibilities.

:werd:

I remember when you used to give me shit for my list.

And now you say you completely understand it.

It's like I'm watching my boy become a man :mamoru:
 

Falconer

Well-Known Member
Jun 23, 2006
65,535
I need to make some updates to my list however. That was a rough draft off the top of my head.
 

eXyle

ׂ
Apr 6, 2003
2,693
wow. i can go in so many different directions with this. i mean, i'm pretty accepting and get along well with most everyone. as long as it's worth it, i'm willing to work through most things.

some of the stuff already mentioned applies like cheating. however, what it ultimately comes down to is that i won't ask of her anything i'm unwilling to do myself. i expect the same in return. so, i can't be with someone who holds me to a higher/lower standard than she does herself. it's kinda one of those all-encompassing answers.

let's see what else. one thing i haven't seen mentioned that i would add as a dealbreaker for me is someone who's trying to change me. on the flipside, a must have is someone who likes me for me.

i am who i am and i'm all for self-improvement. however, it's one thing when it's an internal motivation as opposed to an external pressure. don't be with me in the hopes that i will change into the person you really would rather be with.
 

Math-E

Well-Known Member
Oct 11, 2002
62,185
Lakeview
Cell phones. With the invention of consumer cell phones, relationships just don't stand a chance against constant text messages and secretive phone calls.

It's rather more a necessary evil though.

Must Haves:
Family Oriented
Spontaneous
Compassionate
Even tempered
Honesty
Communication
Modest

Deal Breakers:
Racist
Borderline personality disorder
Bipolar disorder
Domineering
Uses her cell phone too much
Super religious
Selfishness


I left off sense of humor because the only two people I knew who didn't have one weren't really undatable. It'd be nice to have someone with the same type of humor that you have, but that's about it. I prefer a mostly serious demeanor. Otherwise it makes communication difficult for me.

As for poor or wealthy I don't feel that this matters much to me nearly as much as education. I'd like her to at least have some college education, but that's just important for first impressions...I could always teach her things.

I'd rather she have her own religion than follow someone else's. If she took God and Jesus from Christianity and that is it, I'm good with that. But anyone who starts quoting passages to me I feel sorry for.

I don't care if she's flirtatious. However, going out alone is a no-no. And going out with just the girls is lame. My friends should be her friends and her friends mine too. They should respect our relationship.

My main "would like" is philosophical or analytical thinking. This is not easy to come across though. I also would prefer more shyness than outgoingness.
 
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ForgottenSpiral

ForgottenSpiral

Hope and Irony
OT Supporter
Feb 2, 2004
23,336
NoVA
Okay, as many of you know, my current relationship has not left me feeling completely satisfied. So I've spent some time and energy trying to figure out what exactly my needs are so that I have a clearer idea of whether I can get those things in my current relationship or whether I should move on (and if I chose to move on what I need to look for in my next relationship). I've always known what my wants were, but I didn't exactly know how important some things were until recently. I've compiled a list of 12 things that I consider to be necessary for me. As opposed to starting a new topic, I figured I'd throw it into this one. Feel free to tell me if you think any of these things are unrealistic or if the list as a whole is too demanding (or if you think I missed something important). Or feel free to ignore me altogether. :hs:

1. Continually maintains Open + Honest Communication
2. Enjoys Giving at least as much as Receiving (if not more)
3. Is open to having Children, but is not already a parent
4. Does not Smoke, Drink, or use Drugs
5. Does not have Close relationships with other Men (guy friends are okay- guy "best friends" aren't. I also consider 'cheating' to fall under this one)
6. Is not religious
7. Prefers Intimate settings over Crowds
8. Shares some Common Interests
9. Treats me with Kindness and Respect (not overly critical)
10. Has No Sexual Inhibitions (minus the exclusion of pain and other people)
11. Interested in Health + Self Improvement both Physically + Mentally
12. Physically Attractive
 

Ideotique

Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco
Jul 11, 2004
11,290
Awestralia
Musts:
Openly communicates and doesn't shut down
Good with money
Not into organized religion
Respects me
Go-getter in all facets of life
Open to new things
Loves sex
Loves travel
Can tolerate my love of cars
Has independence - doesn't need me to make her happy but instead has her own drive and determination

Deal breakers:
Cheating
Giving up on herself/career/life
Addiction to drugs/alcohol/etc.
Refuses to have sex
Excessive lying
Abusive verbally or physically
Racist

Minor edit of beers list for me
 

djshotglass

New Member
May 4, 2007
3,756
Deal breakers for me are: cheating, abusive, controlling, don't give a shit about me, or have entered friendzone and I have absolutely no attraction towards them.

Must have: able to communicate, trustworthy, sense of humor, focuses more time with me than with other womenz (cause I get jealous :o), not able to become "pussy whooped" because I like a manly man. :hsugh:

Manly men look at other women, cheat, are controlling, abusive, and don't give a shit about you. At least they won't be in the friendzone tho :mamoru:
 

djshotglass

New Member
May 4, 2007
3,756
I prefer a mostly serious demeanor. Otherwise it makes communication difficult for me.

As for poor or wealthy I don't feel that this matters much to me nearly as much as education. I'd like her to at least have some college education, but that's just important for first impressions...I could always teach her things.

I don't care if she's flirtatious. However, going out alone is a no-no. And going out with just the girls is lame. My friends should be her friends and her friends mine too. They should respect our relationship.

My main "would like" is philosophical or analytical thinking. This is not easy to come across though. I also would prefer more shyness than outgoingness.

Why so serious? And you want a girl with no girl friends that never leaves the house without you? Damn what a control freak.

Also girls are incapable of analytical and philosophical thinking.
 

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