For those of you who don't know about me, here is my situation: During my teenage years I struggled with confidence and self esteem issues. I had a problem with facial blushing. I would easily get embarrassed and my face would turn beetroot red. I was extremely self conscious about it and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was so stricken with fear and sadness during those years that I lost myself. I lost my personality. Out of fear of going red I completely stopped thinking for myself. I did what others expected of me and told me to do because if I didn't then I would be the "nail that sticks out" and I would go red. I feel dead inside and I don't think I will ever get my spark back. I'm scared to be myself. I am so god damn unsure of myself. I am 21 years old and the 18 years old in my community college intimidate me. My body language is shit. People pick up on these things and they don't want to be associated with me. I'm sadder than every. My life is so pathetic, i'm just like my pathetic fucking dad. I had a surgical operation to cure this but it has failed. I still blush. The blushing really doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I can go to class and blush and move on with my life. It sucks, but at this age and having suffered all these years I at least have the strength to power through it now. What really bothers me and completely fucking kills me is when I try to "be myself". After all those years I lost myself. I try to be myself but I barely know who I am. When I do blurt something out it is usually a weird thing to say. I don't feel comfortable with myself. I have no confidence in who I am. I also can't help but go around and be a people pleaser. I always say please and thank you like my life is depending on it and I do my best not to interrupt and inconvenience anyone. I'm a nobody. I'm not the least bit fun and energetic. I have to force myself to smile and people can tell it's fake. I feel like everything about me is wrong. I have nothing to be happy about. It's all shit. I think if I moved out of my parents house then that would do me wonders. My dad is such an aweful role model and person to be around. I can't move out because i'm broke. I can't find a job. Even if I do find a job I am going to school full time so I wouldn't be making enough to move out. Is there anywhere I can go for free/cheap housing? I can't fucking stay in this house with these people anymore. I've seen my school counselor and he was of no help. This is my last attempt to get someone to tell me something helpful. If I don't get it here i'm just gonna stop trying.