Her name is Lindsey, we dated for 15 months, I love her with all my heart. This was her first major relationship, and my third. She's been the only person I could really be myself around, this included my family and best friends. I think it got to a point when we came too comfortable with each other, we didn't keep each other on our toes. Let's go back 2 years when I started dating this girl the summer after high school. We only dated for 3 months (it was one of those intense summer flings) then she went to college and the typical fall out happened. It was a big slap in the face; my outlook on relationships went south and I become heavily jaded. When I started dating Lindsey I had my guard up for nearly most of the relationship, fearing I'd get fucked over again. I had this mentality that I didn't need Lindsey or anyone for that matter. I screwed her over a few times, bailing on her important things for work/friends etc. This was mistake one; all in all I was just a shitty SO sometimes. I wouldn't call her when I said I would, I'd do little things she hates etc. but it was because I felt a bit trapped sometimes. Mistake two- We didn't communicate that well. I did shape up though but I would still let her down from time to time. About ~4-6 months into it, she read an aim convo with a friend about how I missed my Ex Gf. It was literally for a day and I would have never acted on those feelings. But this stayed in the back of her mind, eating away like it would with anyone. I never told her how much I really loved her, how happy she made me. Then a month ago, we got into a huge fight and I screamed at her like I've never screamed at anyone (and we never fight) and for some reason I turned into a little boy again, completely dropping my guard and feeling like I needed her but she put up her guard. She started to realize something was making her unhappy and it was the relationship. We were never mad at each other, in fact things were going great. But she realizes she's better off on her own. I might be too. I'm probably leaving a lot of shit out but things happen for a reason. I know this, it was a great trip, had so many great times. I know where I really messed up and I wish I could change things but life goes on. I will try to better myself and learn from it. This sucks.