Background first. I have never been one big into dating. I dont like dealing with the drama and all the assorted shit that usually comes with it. Granted there are a lot of plusses to being in a relationship, but I have (thought) always been happy being single. The internet and FWBs are around when I need to get laid. Since I dont feel like retyping all I did from the other day, I will cut and paste: There was one more reply, by me, but I am trying to keep it in the closet in case he is on here. Im trying not to make it too obvious to the fact that apparently I have had a very serious mindfuck. I dont want to be one of those exs that calls after forever 'for closure'. I knew I had problems after the breakup but I thought I had gotten over them. It took me awhile with some of the things that were said. After I realised that I was actually the stable one, working my ass off to try to keep myself from losing everything at such a young age (I found credit and used it, a lot). I was the one with two jobs, I was the one giving up the time with my family and friends trying to save what I had. There was a long time that I couldnt get the thought of him out of my mind. Well, six years have passed, I feel like a loser now since I have just realised that those thoughts are still bothering me. I do have Paxil (10mg, been doubling them just to keep my mind clear) for holiday depression that I have been taking trying to make it through the last ten days of work so I can go home. How do I move on? If I still have those feeling buried deep inside me, it would explain why I havent had a long meaningful relationship since we broke up. I have a feeling I am subconsiously holding everyone new I meet up to the unreal standards I have of my ex that even he probably wouldnt be able to live up to. I think I have been destroying the relationships without even knowing I was doing it. I did see a shrink for awhile after the breakup but that was a waste of time. He was more concerned with getting to the root of my sexuality then what was actually bothering me. How do I get rid of these for good? I need to be able to move on.