Discussion in 'On Topic' started by levit, Nov 2, 2009.
I really want a drink right now
Remember why you want to quit, and how far you've gotten.
3 weeks is a long time... yeah? Make it longer!
For me the hardest part was the first 2-3 days. Longest 2-3 days of my life. Then suddenly 3 weeks flew by. And now I'm back to feeling like I did for those first 2-3 days.
have you been going to aa/na meetings broski?
No. I have issues with the religious connections that are apparent with AA. I'm trying to do this on my own. Doing a lot of self reflection and working through my issues.
if you're an alcoholic/drug addict like me, you won't be able to do it on your own man.
and about the religious connection you speak of, AA/NA are both spiritual in nature, and they have no ties to religion in any way. It actually goes against the traditions that govern both of them.
Obviously I don't know because I've never been to a meeting, however just reading the 12 steps leads me to not believe that. I think they are wonderful programs and help tons of people. However it just doesn't seem right for me based on some of the steps.
I've dabbled in alcohol, cigarettes, weed, ecstacy, cocaine, painkillers, etc. All drugs were short lived and never really stuck around for me. Alcohol, however, has always been here. I have anxiety and depression problems. My mind goes a mile a minute, I over-analyze everything that is said to me and everything that happens to me, I constantly worry, so on and so forth. I used alcohol to turn my brain off. I would drink to black out so that I wouldn't have to deal with all the shit going on in my head.
Do I have a problem? Yes. And I believe I can do this on my own. At least I am trying to. I believe I can succeed through my own will and desire to better myself. Hopefully I am right. I have friends who are here for me and support me, so I have people to talk to when things are bad.
It's also been 3 days since I quit smoking. This combination sucks
hey, i can't convince you that you need help, or that that help should come in the form of a 12 step program; but i can say that you sound a lot like me, and that i couldn 't do it without help from something besides me. My dumbass brain got me into this mess, so i can't rely on it to get me out if it. That wouldn't make any logical sense.
And as for all the shit about how you worry and over-analyze stuff and whatnot -- That's the essence of what being an alcoholic is: Because my problem isn't just alcohol, it's the fucked up way I think and my perception of the world. And that's what most of the 12 steps actually deal with.
it will go away
Good luck. Just remember if you're not able to do it on your own, AA is available and more than willing to help.
I could relate to you saying that some of the steps wouldn't apply to you. I too looked at the steps and didn't think they would help me. I thought, "HA! Those steps won't help me. They might help 'those' people.....those alcoholics....but not me."
However, I found that by going to AA, getting a sponsor and working the steps with my sponsor, the steps took on a MUCH different meaning for me. I mean it was very strange because suddenly I was addressing some really deep and scary shit in my life and it was because of those steps that I was questioning.
Oh and just so you know, I agree that quitting smoking and quitting drinking at the same time sucks balls. I looked at it this way, my drinking was much more destructive to my life than my smoking so I'd get my drinking under control first then address the smoking. I was 4 years sober before I felt stable enough to attempt quitting smoking again and this time it worked. I've been off cigs for 11 years now and I couldn't be more thankful.....I actually used the steps as part of my stop smoking plan and they worked on that also.
Anyways, hang in there and good luck.
By the way I think the steps are great. I don't have any issues with the ones where I do some soul searching, admitting my wrongs, etc. I just have issues with the spiritual ones. Such as:
Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
I am willing to admit to another human being all of my wrongs, in fact I've done that to the person I hurt the most already. I am not willing to admit it to "God," though.
Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out
This one is iffy, I agree/disagree with parts of it.
So basically I am going through some of the steps and negating the religious ones. That's why I am not sure if AA is right for me, since I am unwilling to do those.
I do thank you all, though, and appreciate your suggestions. It's always nice to hear other people's battles.
AA is still for you if you want it or if you're willing to try it. However, noone will track you down and force you to go unless you break the law.
RE: The God issues:
There's a whole chapter in the big book about agnostics. Many people have problems with the "God" mentioned so often in the AA literature and they get and stay sober using the same AA program that I did.
Some people interpret the God references like this G.O.D. as in Good Orderly Direction. Others prefer the term "higher power" while still others prefer the term "spirit of the universe". I have a close friend in the program that's been sober many years and she tells the story of how her sponsor helped her work the steps even though she didn't believe in God. Her sponsor suggested she lay on her bed and talk to whatever she thinks might be listening. For her, that really helped her but perhaps it doesn't really work for you.
Anyways, my point was to hopefully help you understand that we see all types in the rooms of AA. There are many people that struggle with either religious and/or God issues. You don't have to have everything worked out and/or explained today.
Just like we stay sober one day at a time, we work the steps one step at a time. For me that means I don't have to have all my questions answered about step 4 because I'm currently on step 1. I'll worry about 4 when I get there....for now, I'll stick with step 1.
Oh and working the steps solo is not the way to do it. Find a sponsor that has worked all the steps then ask them to teach you to work the steps in the way the sponsor learned. Don't underestimate that suggestion....it was as seemingly silly suggestion when it was made to me but over the years, it has proven to be an amazingly powerful and helpful suggestion.
All good points, and understood. I also have issues giving up control or admitting that I am wrong/faulty. Not quite ready to find a sponsor and give some of that up. Maybe some day
Do you have a Big Book? If not, you can read it online.
You may not feel ready but if you wait until you are it will bee too late. Half measures = nothing.
If you go to a meeting you will meet many who were exactly like you are now. It would be a good idea to get to know them at this stage of your sobriety. You can always go back to doing what you were doing. Why not give it a chance? Good luck.