*sigh* life is up and down for me lmao. the good news is, that i start my new job on monday. i am SO looking forward to that, that is going to work wonders for me and my esteem and personal outlook of my life (june 10 i posted about getting laid off my job of 8 years). im also moving into a new apartment in a few days, so that new beginning im also really looking forward to. i guess im feeling a little down because dating seemed like it was going to be fish in a barrel at first... but now maybe not. im on a dating sight, and picked up a hit pretty quickly. she was a really nice and intelligent girl, but not so exiciting in the spontaneity department, but other than that, id say i like her well enough. i tested the waters again earlier this week after another girl clicked on me, but that one fizzled pretty quickly and we wont be going out again. meeting another woman that i know i wont like for some reason is casting a poor outlook on dating for me. i know the statistics arent there yet after only 2, but the bad part is the first one seems less and less interested now. i realize that happens, but it totally sucks being back to 0 again. oh well, i plod on. but the part the really really sucks, is the loneliness is really setting in. i realy dont particularly miss my wifes friendship, sexuality, i really can barley remember her face or what her voice sounds like... but sleeping alone with no one to lay against is really what im missing right now. i dunno, i guess for me it was something really really intimate, that right now i miss dearly. im so tempted to make contact with my exwife and just be nice, be friendly. i dont know anything about her right now, if shes seeing anyone, if shes not, and im trying to keep it that "it doesnt matter". but part of me really misses the familiarity, and how easy it might be to try it again. but i know that would be the worst choice possible, and for now im doing fine avoiding it. i just wanted to get some words out there, ive not seen any of my RL friends for a few days to get this off my chest.