SRS Trying to just chill...and it ain't fckin workin.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ///M Pilot, Aug 10, 2007.

  1. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

    Mar 16, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Fort Liquordale, FL

    I came up to Canada from Florida because my family is here. I came up for two weeks for a bit of a vacation. The ex came along for part of it because I wanted some company, and some time with her to figure things out.

    So things with the ex and I are good now. We're still friends. We hashed out everything that went wrong, why things happened the way they did, all the miscommunications, the unintended hurt, and determined that our relationship was mostly a victim of circumstance. It wasn't the right time for either of us, and instead of acknowledging it a long time ago, we let it slide. We've both been acting so far away from the people we were when we met, that we don't really know who we are any more. Suffice to say, we've both been in personal ruts due to external factors and have been taking it out on one another for the last couple of years. So we forgave each other and let that be that. Unfortunately, we still love each other, and I still have this huge aching pain in my chest whenever I think about her. I'll get over it though, I guess. I'm not sure if it's better or worse parting on good terms, because the shitty part is, it really felt like our connection was as strong as ever. Maybe we do just need some time apart to get ourselves back in check and go from there.

    Then, the day I go to drop ex off at the airport, my ex girlfriend (of 3 years prior to this one) decided to call me and tell me that she was happy that we (current girl) broke up, and that she never got over me, etc.. I pretty much told her tough shit, we broke up for a reason and we're not going back there. But the whole thing still spun me for a loop. Clearly I'm not 100% over her, that was one of the factors that drove the current ex and I apart to begin with. Maybe I'll never be 100% over HER (first love and all), but I'm WELL over the relationship and the desire to be with her. I have to figure out how to put it all behind me or I'm never going to be successful in any other relationships. I'm tired of the emotional instability it's caused and I'm tired of always looking to the past.

    And now my parents are blaming problems between them on me, which are completely external situations that I have nothing to do with and that I shouldn't have to carry any fucking burden for. However, due to how close I am with my family, this shit weighs on me like a ton of bricks. Their opinion has always mattered, and when they do shit like this, it tears me apart. And now they're pissed that I want to turn around and leave. I can't fucking win.

    On top of that, work is stressful, and I'm trying to put my ducks in a row for a career change in a few years (going to law school).

    I came up here to get away from everything and it just followed me like a bad habit. Part of it I brought upon myself, and that's fine -- but the rest of it, I got slammed with and it's really bothering me.

    I'm stressed to hell and back. I feel like my head's going to explode. It's tough to breathe, and I'm trying VERY hard not to resort to drinking my sorrows away. I just wanted to vent a bit. I feel like I need to cast off everyone I know and everything I know in order to get away from all the bullshit. But then I'd feel like I were running from my problems, and that's not what I want to do. Gah. I need to concentrate on studying for the LSAT, and I can't stop my mind from thinking. It just keeps going and going and going...

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