SRS Trying to meet my real father, is it worth it

quamen

New Member
Nov 14, 2003
1,498
Going to try to make this short as possible. I grew up with my mom until i was about 10, placed in foster homes then adopted by my aunt and uncle when i was teenager. I always wanted to meet my real father, but i tried contacting him once and never called me back. I just wish he would give me a shot at meeting him, even though he is remarried with a few children. He only lives about 2 hours away, but i don't know if he feels like im going to interrupt his life. Should i try again?
 

lick wid nit wit

Official OT Oracle
Aug 8, 2001
7,426
LJDrama.org
Write him a letter.

If he doesn't reply to you with a letter or a phone call, you have your answer and leave him be. I know it sounds crappy but he probably doesn't want to upset his new family now and that's probably exactly what will happen if you enter the picture.
 

J_75

New Member
Oct 1, 2003
2,749
Going to try to make this short as possible. I grew up with my mom until i was about 10, placed in foster homes then adopted by my aunt and uncle when i was teenager. I always wanted to meet my real father, but i tried contacting him once and never called me back. I just wish he would give me a shot at meeting him, even though he is remarried with a few children. He only lives about 2 hours away, but i don't know if he feels like im going to interrupt his life. Should i try again?


I don't think there is any problem with trying to contact him, just remember that he has no legal obligation to respond. He could have good reasons or shitty reasons for responding or not responding, but the choice is mutual, and you have to respect his decision whichever way it goes.

I know there are OT'ers that have been adopted/orphaned/whatever and have made the decision to contact or not contact their parent(s)....I wish I could remember their names, but I can't right now, so I'll just hope they respond to this thread.
 

whpcba

New Member
Aug 18, 2007
5,031
Going to try to make this short as possible. I grew up with my mom until i was about 10, placed in foster homes then adopted by my aunt and uncle when i was teenager. I always wanted to meet my real father, but i tried contacting him once and never called me back. I just wish he would give me a shot at meeting him, even though he is remarried with a few children. He only lives about 2 hours away, but i don't know if he feels like im going to interrupt his life. Should i try again?
just get it over with.
don't even bother because if he refused to raise you, it would be unlikely that he would want to or be brave enough to meet you, not after that many years.
i learned that the hard way
 
Last edited:

METALLlC BLUE

New Member
Jun 22, 2007
11,290
Going to try to make this short as possible. I grew up with my mom until i was about 10, placed in foster homes then adopted by my aunt and uncle when i was teenager. I always wanted to meet my real father, but i tried contacting him once and never called me back.

I'm not the type to assume.

I just wish he would give me a shot at meeting him, even though he is remarried with a few children. He only lives about 2 hours away, but i don't know if he feels like im going to interrupt his life. Should i try again?

Send him a certified letter with a return receipt. You'll then know whether he got the letter, and whether he wants to contact to you. It'll give you an opportunity to express yourself without being unreasonable intrusive.
 

PanasonicYouth

New Member
Nov 18, 2008
313
So much importance is placed on blood, when IMO it's who raised you that counts.

If your genetic 'father' couldn't be bothered to pick up a phone and call you back then I say forget about him.
 

Stilgar1973

New Member
Aug 12, 2006
8,340
I'm not the type to assume.



Send him a certified letter with a return receipt. You'll then know whether he got the letter, and whether he wants to contact to you. It'll give you an opportunity to express yourself without being unreasonable intrusive.

I like this idea.
Take it a step farther.

Instead of sending him a letter that is all mushy like, tell him in the letter that you are curious about your genetic history. Tell him that you are tired of going to doctor offices and not knowing the answers to genetic questions on his side of the family.

If he responds positively about this do not lay a trap for him. Do what you said, have a telephone or a letter that is primarily about genetics and stuff.

Some people that feel threatened by mushy emotional stuff respond better to analytical questions.
Sometimes with a relationship you have got to open the door a crack before you can swing it wide.

Above all though, prepare yourself to be rejected. It is likely, but worthwhile giving it your best shot.

Good Luck.
 

D-FENS

New Member
Nov 13, 2002
5,066
If he has no interest in meeting you, you need to respect that. Although I feel you do have a right to know your genetics, so it wouldn't be unreasonable to send him another letter or give him a call just asking whats he like physically, and any relevant medical issues or other things that may concern you, being a product of his genes and all, but that's really all that he is morally obligated (and still not legally obligated) to do for you.
 

nofriends

OT Supporter
Feb 22, 2005
22,656
CO
So much importance is placed on blood, when IMO it's who raised you that counts.

If your genetic 'father' couldn't be bothered to pick up a phone and call you back then I say forget about him.

I agree. My parents split when I was 5 or 6 and I have had no contact with my biological father since I was about 8 or so (24 now). My step-dad raised me and as far as I am concerned he is my father.

People have varying circumstances, but at least in my situation, I have no desire to contact my real father as I know it will do nothing but stir up unnecessary issues.
 

Julius

I can't comment on personal experience but IMHO your "real" father is the one who loved and raised you, not the one who's blood you share. Sure he may be your biological father but there wasn't anything "real" that he did for you.

This is the absolute truth.

I felt nothing when I met my biological mother after not seeing her for over 10 years. No love or anything. She was very hospitable, but I feel like I should have never contacted her. But, then again, it did bring a sense of closure to me.
 

The Ripper

New Member
Dec 25, 2006
7,884
Colorado Springs, Co
it sounds like its something you need to do for yourself. Try getting his information like a phone number or something if you can get a direct line to him it will be easier to find shit out. Call him up and see what is going on
 

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