I LOVED HER SO MUCH. Now i feel I can do better. The way i found out was like a knife slowly entering my gut. She was with one dude from my job, i THOUGHT she ditched him for me. but no. a month after we move in together, I'm cleaning the room and find some of her writing on a receipt. I like the stuff she writes so i read it. out of nowhere i read something about how she had a crush on lumbergh. So i asked her about it, and she was like "oh yeah, it was a stupid crush, nothing happened." Oh, this is funny. keep in mind that a few moments before i kissed her for the first time, i asked if she had been with anyone else from the job. she said no. My birthday rolls around 2-3 months later and her old roommate slipped and told me they got drunk and hooked up once. (her and lumbergh were roommates in a big house.) That was hell. I almost broke up with her like 3 times. but she made me feel terrible. she told me "it just happened and didnt mean anything" few more months pass by and im cleaning and find a whole diary about how she was with the first dude from my job, but had a deep crush for lumbergh the whole time. They hooked up in between that dude she ditched, and me. GAHHH. before i we moved together, i used to chill at her house, and the three of us would hang around the house sometimes. I feel like such a fool. They knew the whole time. I'm 24 and I've been extremely picky with women. I was always looking for love. never could be casual. She was the first girl I ever loved. now shes just tainted. I get the nastiest dreams. thoughts of it randomly pop into my head. I resent her for it, and have been being a jerk. She really loves me, but she just isnt my style. She takes care of me very well, that's pretty much what keeps me around. Makes me feel really insecure. I feel like she doesnt have one of those "trigger" attractions to me. I had to earn her attraction. She just threw it at this DOUCHE BAG BOSS. she was friends with someone from our job and hung out there btw. I'm about to go on a cruise to rome for almost a month. I'm either leaving her by then, or deciding to make a long commitment. I was going out with this girl before her, but nothing happened because she said really slutty things. I have the biggest regrets for not just fucking her and am fighting back the temptation to cheat. I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE MAD ANYMORE. I'm not sure how well that all tied together, but basically, would you stay?