SRS What do I say to her?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Salohcin, Nov 10, 2008.

  1. Salohcin

    Salohcin New Member

    Sep 25, 2004
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    To cut a long story short, I've been seeing a girl who hasn't quite completely moved on from her last boyfriend (of four years, with whom she lived).

    We've always been quite careful to define the boundaries - seeing each other, but not boyfriend/girlfriend yet. She moved away to another city, about 3 hours away by train or car - she had already planned the move before she and I got together. We like each other a lot, and I've been going down to see her regularly (and I can continue doing that without a problem, and would certainly consider moving there one day).

    She does want to move on from the ex - however, she's finding it a bit difficult, even though he didn't treat her very well at all (smoked weed even though he said he would stop for the last three years, was occasionally violent towards her, said things to her that really affected her confidence in herself, etc - always with the promise that he would stop and never do these things again. We all know that type of person.) and, although it's easy for me to say this, I know I'm a far better person who does, and will, treat her with all the respect she deserves.

    This weekend, we hit something of a stall, as she told me that she's finding it difficult to move on and completely stop loving him, and I know that's probably mainly down to him texting her everyday, telling her all about how upset he is, how he wants to move down to be near her, how he wants to kill himself, etc, making her feel guilty.

    I've sent her an e-mail, written as fairly as I could make it, outlining how he has far too many bad things about him and how she needs time and space to move on (which I'm more than willing to give her) but that he knows that if he keeps texting her daily, he will continue to be on her mind, thus preventing her from moving on. I've also told her that people just can't completely sever any feelings for an ex after being together with them for four years.

    Before I sent the e-mail, we agreed to follow it up with telephone conversations. My aim in these conversations is to help her realize that she really does need to move on properly, and that he's not good enough for her. I think I need to prepare myself with a number of phrases and/or questions to put to her - particularly phrases and/or questions creating very valid points that she won't be able to have an answer to, if I've made my meaning clear there, as that'll make an impact on her.

    What would be good things I could ask her/say to her?

    NB: There are people who feel that relationships over a distance don't work, which is always a valid point, but please don't make that the subject of this thread. What I want to see happening is her moving on, mainly for her own sake, and allowing us to at least give things a go together and see whether it's anything to consider taking to the next level and possibly move in together, etc.
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Sep 1, 2006
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    You realize you are doing all the work, right?

    You're the one driving to see her all the time. You're the one putting in all the emotion and not receiving back the same level of affection.

    You knew when you started dating her that she was not over her ex. Dating her is the worst way to help her just get over him. You are her obvious rebound and the worst part is she's flat out admitting to you that you just aren't as great in her eyes as her druggie loser ex boyfriend. That shouldn't make you want to try harder to earn her love, that should be a slap in the face to wake you up!

    She's also obviously not over him because she's still speaking with him and he's telling her he wants to be with her. Why are you wasting your time on this girl? She obviously doesn't love or respect you or your "relationship."

    My point is you are wasting your time. You telling her she needs to move on from her ex wont do shit for you. She has to want to move on and she very noticeably doesn't want to move on since she still keeps in contact with her ex. You'll never be more than her rebound man. Move the fuck on from her.
  3. jonno

    jonno Well-Known Member

    Jun 3, 2003
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    :werd: to what beer said. also, anytime you gotta try to convince a girl to get over someone/be with you/whatever = not going to work AND shouldnt have to happen.

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