After a long time I went to my doctor and talked to him and brought up one of the main sources of anguish in my life that is horribly embarrassing; I have gynecomastia. For those of you who don't know it's when males develop breasts. There are many other things that have caused me problems but this is probably the most chronic of those. I developed this at 13 and I had been doing sports year round for years and as soon as I developed it I stopped doing any and all sports and my favorite thing to do, swimming, I haven't done in seven years. I wasn't good with women but this basically took what little confidence I had and completely destroyed it. I tried to get this addressed right when I first noticed it and developed it but my mom just told me that I was chubby and to lose some weight. Because of it I had a miserable high school experience, I didn't play sports even though I love sports because of it and so instead of having incredible extracurriculars I didn't have any so it hurt me when applying to college. I had no confidence so there were no girlfriends, no dates, no nothing. Well, fast forward to today, I call my doctor to ask about the referral to a plastic surgeon to hopefully finally fix the problem so I can actually get on and try and live my life. Well, it turns out that my insurance does not cover this because it is a "cosmetic procedure." If you ask me, it's ruined my fucking life and isn't cosmetic at all. In addition, I have a genetic condition that makes it so having surgery is much more expensive and difficult to do so in order to fix my problem it will cost me at least 30 thousand dollars out of pocket. So this basically leaves me with no way to fix the problem that's ruining my life and I can't deal with it anymore. I'm so sick of not having any confidence or be able to swim or play sports or take my shirt off or wear t-shirts and not wear three layers in the summertime and HATING the way that I look. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without a shirt on because I'll get so angry and disgusted that I'll want to, and have, smash the mirror. All I want to do is kill myself. The last seven years have been unbearable and each year is worse than the year before. It's so fucking fucked up that I get royally boned and then there's nothing that I can do about it. There really is no point in continuing with this post (which no one will read) or my life (which no one gives a fuck about) which is the biggest disaster of shit luck and misery in history. Preemptive thanks for all the "live with it" or "it's not a big deal" or "suck it up" advice. Really, I appreciate it.