LOVE What should I be doing? Feeling really shitty lately

lel

New Member
Jan 10, 2009
526
What's up guys?

I'm recently single after being in a 4yr relationship that ended terribly, and I'm on the prowl for new women.

I have prospects and women who are interested, but I just feel like a fucking pussy about everything. I make up excuses in my own head as to why I can't go out with them. I know it's a self confidence thing, especially since I've been out of the game so long, but I'm sitting here, alone on mother's day, without a woman and I feel like absolute shit.

I'm asking myself if I miss my ex (who I found out cheated on me), or if I just miss SOMEONE. I Think it's the latter, but I don't know. I miss looking over and having someone there to share my time and company with. Feelin completely alone.

Anyone have some advice or tips for me to get out of this slump? Thanks
 

THoC

Well-Known Member
Feb 5, 2007
7,349
if you are looking for a woman why do you make excuses not to go out w. em?

you said youre recently single. it took me months to be completely over my ex. it takes time man. go out and have fun w. new girls and your friends to keep your mind off it.
 
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lel

New Member
Jan 10, 2009
526
if you are looking for a woman why do you make excuses not to go out w. em?

you said youre recently single. it took me months to be completely over my ex. it takes time man. go out and have fun w. new girls and your friends to keep your mind off it.
cause im a pussy
 

wolfskymoon

cause im a pussy

or maybe you don't want to be tied down to the same bullshit you were in for the past few years? don't be so hard on yourself, I'm sure you'll satisfy your internal masochism soon enough. Need to relax and take your time.
 

Tevin

Member
Sep 11, 2010
453
Anyone have some advice or tips for me to get out of this slump? Thanks

I hope you don't mean it when you imply you cannot feel good about yourself unless you are with a woman. If that's true, then your problems go far beyond the "breakup blues" and you will never be able to maintain a positive relationship with anyone until you address this major flaw in your thinking.

With that out of the way, you are most likely feeling out of your element because this is all so new. Take some time to let the dust settle; do not just hook up with the first chick who floats your way. No gal willing to be the "rebound chick" is quality material anyway.

Go do all the cool guy stuff you never seemed to have time/money/approval for when you were with her. Go on that Vegas roadtrip. Buy a motorcycle. Play more sports. Go out on a weeknight with no fear of being called out for how late you came home. Subscribe to the Playboy Channel. Listen to Howard Stern without headphones.

In a month or two, you will naturally come to the realization that you are over her and will be in a much better frame of mind to look for someone else. Just hang in there a little while. It's like a hangover...the only real cure is time.
:hsd:
 
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lel

New Member
Jan 10, 2009
526
it's been a little over a month since the breakup. Most of the chicks I'm talking to have boyfriends but still want to get down. Really fucks with my head. All women are cheaters.
I'm a good looking guy with lots of assets, are there any GOOD girls out there?

Also, I'm especially down because we have to put our dogs down, and that's not helping me get over the ex at all.


Just wanted to say thanks to all of you who took the time to address me in the thread.
 
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lel

New Member
Jan 10, 2009
526
Some of us take longer than others. My year is almost up. lol.
oh man, that's too long... How bro?

I require some sort of female companionship to be happy. Maybe that's fucked up, but it's true.
 

deadmeat

OT Supporter
Aug 14, 2003
14,836
Lollifornia
oh man, that's too long... How bro?

I require some sort of female companionship to be happy. Maybe that's fucked up, but it's true.

17 year friendship/10 year marriage culminating in a spectacular flameout.

I took the year specifically to prove to myself that I don't need a woman, or really NEED anyone for that matter(edit - for the literal people - I see you - I'm not looking to be analyzed here). I've made guy friends but stayed away from women except for one or two that are only friends and will remain that way.

I feel you should take some time to reflect on your statement of need and figure out why you feel that way. NEEDING someone puts them in a position of power and responsibility that they may not be prepared for, and it seems to guarantee that the other person is always going to let you down.
 
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lel

New Member
Jan 10, 2009
526
17 year friendship/10 year marriage culminating in a spectacular flameout.

I took the year specifically to prove to myself that I don't need a woman, or really NEED anyone for that matter(edit - for the literal people - I see you - I'm not looking to be analyzed here). I've made guy friends but stayed away from women except for one or two that are only friends and will remain that way.

I feel you should take some time to reflect on your statement of need and figure out why you feel that way. NEEDING someone puts them in a position of power and responsibility that they may not be prepared for, and it seems to guarantee that the other person is always going to let you down.
I sincerely appreciate your response here, but I don't WANT to take time and distance myself from women. I'm in my early-mid 20s, I'm in my prime man. I have a ton of shit going for me, besides women, at the moment. I'm not sure I agree with you.

Way I see it, I should be pursuing everything that walks and have fun, rather than wallow, feeling like I got punched in the stomach and have no appetite.
 

deadmeat

OT Supporter
Aug 14, 2003
14,836
Lollifornia
I sincerely appreciate your response here, but I don't WANT to take time and distance myself from women. I'm in my early-mid 20s, I'm in my prime man. I have a ton of shit going for me, besides women, at the moment. I'm not sure I agree with you.

Way I see it, I should be pursuing everything that walks and have fun, rather than wallow, feeling like I got punched in the stomach and have no appetite.


You're right, you should be. Because you want to. Not because you need a partner to feel right. Also, please don't mistake what I'm doing for wallowing - and I made the original comment in response to florida's comment about taking a month off. Not as a suggestion as to what you should do. I'm the last person to suggest what I'm doing. It was a project to find out who exactly who I am and what exactly I want.
 

CorpseStreet

New Member
Jun 10, 2008
9,345
When I'm down in the dumps I think of what the late, great Patrick Swayze would say if he were in my situation.

"Take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee and he'll drop like a stone." -Swayze, Road House

Hope that helps.
 

deadmeat

OT Supporter
Aug 14, 2003
14,836
Lollifornia
When I'm down in the dumps I think of what the late, great Patrick Swayze would say if he were in my situation.

"Take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee and he'll drop like a stone." -Swayze, Road House

Hope that helps.
"Would you stop rubbing your body up against mine, because I can't concentrate when you do that" - Russell, Big Trouble in Little China

Fuck. Swayze on the brain.
 

CorpseStreet

New Member
Jun 10, 2008
9,345
"Would you stop rubbing your body up against mine, because I can't concentrate when you do that" - Russell, Big Trouble in Little China

Fuck. Swayze on the brain.

Kurt Russel is another great source of advice :bowdown:

"Lucky for me this place is soundproof. That way nobody gets to hear me beating the truth out of you" -Russel, Tango & Cash
 

jc_smith

Member
Nov 7, 2006
531
Las Vegas
What's up guys?

I'm recently single after being in a 4yr relationship that ended terribly, and I'm on the prowl for new women.

I have prospects and women who are interested, but I just feel like a fucking pussy about everything. I make up excuses in my own head as to why I can't go out with them. I know it's a self confidence thing, especially since I've been out of the game so long, but I'm sitting here, alone on mother's day, without a woman and I feel like absolute shit.

I'm asking myself if I miss my ex (who I found out cheated on me), or if I just miss SOMEONE. I Think it's the latter, but I don't know. I miss looking over and having someone there to share my time and company with. Feelin completely alone.

Anyone have some advice or tips for me to get out of this slump? Thanks

I wouldn't worry about getting into another relationship so soon IMO. Me and my ex broke up last year after 4.5 years (trust issues from her cheating years earlier and other shady shit afterwards) so I know what your going through in a way. At first I was really lonely and sad and shit. I think it's a combination of missing your ex and also not having someone. You're use to having someone by your side 24/7 basically and to go from that to being alone all the time is a shock to your brain. What helped me was doing as much fun shit as possible with my friends and doing things to take my mind off it all.

There will still be times when your sad, especially when you go to bed by yourself at night, but after a few months it will start to get better. Just go out with your friends and if you happen to see girls out when your with them, try to get your dick wet a few times but nothing serious. Biggest advice I can give is do not contact your ex for any reason. Don't call her, don't text her, block her from facebook/myspace, put away pictures you have, EVERYTHING. This was my downfall. It took me about a year to get over my ex, it would have been shorter if I didn't talk to her etc. I still think about her and will probably always care for her in a way, but it doesn't interfere with my daily life anymore. I'm not depressed all the time now and actually really enjoy being single and doing whatever I want whenever I want and not having someone bitch at me for it.

As gay as it sounds, time really does heal all. Just take it a day at a time.
 

IslanderOffRoad

Do you even lift kit?
Dec 23, 2003
82,164
Houston, Tx
just gotta give it more time.

I'm at a year after a 5 year relationship and I'm just starting to feel normal. Had you asked me 2 months ago, I would have told you differently.

Don't rush into things, surround yourself with your friends, go out, have fun, don't worry about girls, just go have a good time.

I know you've probably heard that before, but trust me, as someone going through it, thats really all it is.
 

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