Almost every night for the past week, I have had a lot of trouble getting to sleep... I start to thinking and just get sick to my stomach. But I am not thinking about nothing... I hate lying, and I hate myself for telling the smallest white lie. It makes me want to vomit. Anyway. My entire family (brother, sister, parents, grandparents, uncle, aunt, etc, etc) are all anti-gay.. and I am bi. So, naturally I've been living a lie, so to say. Every night for the past week, I have laid down in bed and just started to think about what would happen if I did tell them/they ever found out... To say the least, it would be an ugly situation. I can 100% guarantee I would be kicked out. I can 100% guarantee I would lose all financial support from them. I can 95% guarantee that most or all of them would never speak to me again. Did I mention it's the same with every last one of my friends? Well, except for one. In 19 years of living, only 3 people have ever known about this. Except for the one, all of my friends would never talk to me again. In fact, it would probably end with a fair amount of bloodshed if I told them in person. Except for this one flaw, they are all awesome people. Most do a lot of volunteer work, donate, help the community, etc... One is even a foster parent. And as much as I know they would not love the real me, I cannot stop loving them. I get just as sick when I think about life with out them as I do when I think about lying to them. Except for this one flaw, I love the hell out of all of them, and do not know what I would do without any of them. I cannot help but cry (haha let's all laugh at the crying kid) when the issue comes up on the news or during a discussion and they do everything they can to demean everyone like myself. My love turns to an absolute burning hatred whenever one of them says 'fag' or 'homo.' So I ask, what should I do? Should I love the people who do not know they hate me, or should I love the people who know they hate me?