Well I'm in a bit of a tussel right now. I've had a lot of things working my brain over the last few months with my boyfriend. We do have trust issues. I think in a sense he is just thick and doesn't understand my side. I don't know how to get through this. I've been dating my bf for 9 months now. The first 5 months i came to realization that I started out as a rebound girlfriend. My boyfriend was approximately 3 months out of a 4 year relationship when we started dating. The majority of their relationship was for the most part long distance for the last 3 years. He told me it just fizzled and they had to end it when they did. That they had just turned into more like friends. He was making all the effort to go see her for the last year of their relationship he drove two hours every single weekend to be with her but she wasn't coming here at all. He kind of flipped out when she started dating someone else. That's when he started dating me. We had been good friends for a year although I didn't know much about their relationship at all. He apparently did have feelings for me for a long time but pushed them aside since he was with her but when she found out we were together (he didn't tell her) she had just ended a relationship with the other guy and since (memorial day weekend) has been trying to wiggle her way back into his life. He'd defend it and tell me all she wanted was to be friends. I don't know if he truly believed that or not but he's seemed pretty genuine that he believed that. He said he didn't feel based on the way she was that she wanted him back. The kicker I found out later was apparently she flipped out when she found out he was dating me... which caused him to second guess things with us but he stuck with me. (She's still to this day living out of town about 2 hours away in a house which she bought). I just recently found out that in June he went to see her when he went to training in the city she lives in (we started dating the end of March)...but I also was told by his friend's girlfriend that nothing happened and that after he left from seeing her he realized why they never made it and she basically just told him he was never going to amount to anything and put him down the whole time. (He has a really good job!) She said he came back looking like she beat him to a pulp emotionally. Anyways... things seemed ok for the most part up until July. She got into an mountain biking accident and broke her jaw and her arm. She of course called him the very next day slurring (mouth was wired shut) and crying and all to tell him she was home for the next two weeks and what had happened. He was really upset (which he tried to hide) (but I could understand) when he found out. I was in a long relationship...actually married before. I'm not above the fact that it would affect someone to hear that someone they care(d) about to any degree...got hurt that bad. I was fine with him going to see her once to see she was ok but then I found out (after the fact) he was going to visit her more than that while she was here with her parents. when he wasn't answering his phone and wouldn't call me back till late with no explanation, I had to start drilling him on where he'd been or he never would have told me. He went to see her 3 separate times the first week. I got really upset about it and he decided he needed to sort things out because it wasn't fair to me. He took a week and realized that dispite the fact that he cares about her, he wanted to be with me. Since the accident, we've spent every weekend together whether its at my house or his. We are together from Friday after work through Sunday night usually about 11:30. We work for the same company. Go to lunch together. Chat through email all day most days and usually I'll spend one or two days outside the weekend with him during the week depending on how busy things are. So I know he hasn't been with her if she's come in on the weekend. He's always with me. What is bothering me is Obviously trust. I've found things out after the fact but at the same time based on other things I've found out it's more because he doesn't want me to freak out. I've told him I'm aware of all this and what's been going on but he still hides stuff. Second, she's still calling him. I know he doesn't usually return her phone calls. I don't think he's calling her. I'm not real sure how often they talk but I think he tries to put a boundry up. I have caught him texting her back when she repeatedly texts him. He says he is just friends but I just can't seem to get past this. He knows it bothers me and he can't just let it go. He says that he feels that all it is is friends and I need to trust him regardless of feelings she may have but I don't know how to when he nearly left me because he had feelings for her. I do think he is for the most part over her but he still cares about her. Based on things he says, he forsee's being with me for years to come. He talks about future related things years upon years from now. He doesn't go see her when she's here. He's taken me when he's gone down where she lives to visit his friends. I know at least since the accident and his choice to stay with me, he hasn't tried to see her when she's tried to get him to visit. He doesn't return a lot of her calls. The problem is he's trying to hide the fact that he does talk to her at all. The only time I've found things out from him in the past is when I've dug for it or drilled him on things. His response is that he doesn't want me to freak out unnecessarily when there's nothing to worry about. I think in a lot of ways it is to keep me from getting upset about it but It's causing me to feel like I have to figure out what's real here. I do worry stil that he will go see her and not tell me. I've told him that. Based on things I've found out I feel like he has worked/is working past his feelings for her and he is trying to be more like friends but I just don't know how to trust it. She spent a whole weekend trying to call him and text him recently because her uncle died of cancer the night before. (Which he didn't admit to until I called him on it) She started calling at 7:30 in the morning...he didn't answer. Apparently he emailed her back a few days later but he got defensive when I got upset about her calling. I always know when it's her calling or texting. He always says who it is and when it's her he doesn't say a word. I just want it to end and her to move on. He feels he's putting up the boundries but... I just don't know. She doesn't seem to be moving on dispite his "boundries". I also found out she told him she loves him again but he did not reciprocate. Just basically said thanks thats always nice to hear and blew it off yet they continue to talk. When he finally admitted that she was calling because of her uncle dying I asked if he was going to the funeral or calling and he said he felt an obligation because he was close to her family and that was it but he came to see me instead. I just don't know what to trust.