My recent break up hasn't been easy for me, and it still isn't. Been about 2 1/2 months since my ex and I have broken up (and i've been through breakups before) The hardest parts about it are knowing now that she's seeing somebody else and the break up was completely my fault. I'd do anything to get her back, but i've had so many chances to fix us when we were together but my anger/depression only made it worse, and I directed it towards the relationship. She tried so hard to get me help, especially after she found me dead to the world at 5pm after a night of multiple lorazapams and 3/4 of a bacardi bottle gone. I would just tell her I could change, I would get help. Never did, got worse, now I'm alone. Money situation sucks right now, bills and shit add up faster than the money comes in. My friends, in order to just get me out will constantly offer to buy me drinks, pay for food etc.. It's a nice gesture and all but has only made me worse because I constantly feel like a burden, and I've been trying to shy away from going out with them to avoid it. And staying away from my friends has NEVER been something I would do since I've always considered them my family and always wanted to be around them as much as possible. It's been getting overwhelmingly worse the past few days. My friends are all out right now having a few drinks and good conversation and here I am like a hermit taking multiple online depression tests for the hell of it. Each one tells me to get help but I dont have insurance at the moment, and cant afford paying out of pocket right now. Oh and in the past 6 months there probably hasn't been more than 4 days where I have stayed sober. And I don't mean in a row. Sorry for the whole allthatshitbyme.txt Just needed to get it out.