I've been keeping this bottled up for about 6 years now. I started smoking pot when I was 14 and I'm 20 now. When I first started smoking pot I really liked the high that it gave me. It was more because I just like to smoke with my friends and then we would laugh or whatever. As time went on and as we finished middle school and entered high school, I started getting SEVERE anxiety and life became very difficult. It was difficult to do good in school, socialize, and generally felt like I always had to hide from everyone. I have no clue what brought this change about me. I just got very self conscious, shy, and my face would blush very easily because I would always get embarrased really easily. Since I couldn't connect with more confident kids my age, I started to make friends with other kids that had behavioral problems and my group of friends became the kids that nobody else wanted to hang out with. I got involved with a bunch of bad people who only made me feel worse about myself. Now I realize the harm in this, but at the time I didn't know any better. After I became a nervous wreck, absolutely nothing could help me ease the pain except for alcohol. Smoking pot would make me VERY paranoid and it would turn my whole world upside down every time I smoked. It just made me think too much and I would analyze everthing in my life and I would always come to the conclusion that I am doing everything wrong and that something is terrible wrong with me and my life. Since I started getting all scared every time I smoked pot, I stopped smoking pot for good. But the problem now is that a lot of those thoughts that I got when I would get high have stuck with me and I still think about them a lot even though I don't smoke anymore. Almost everything I do makes me sad and I get this feeling that I'm totally "behind" in life. For example, I will just be sitting in my garage smoking a cigarette and listening to the radio. I will look around the garage and start thinking about how pathetic I am since I am hanging out all by myself in my dirty little garage. This has been going on for a few years and makes me want to cry every single time. I feel like I'm insane or something. What is wrong with me? What should I do? I don't have much money and have no medical insurance so please try to suggest some alternatives to expensive medical treatment.