Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by evh, Sep 15, 2009.
Words of wisdom.
Care to explain who wrote that, the circumstances of the relationship when he wrote that, etc?
what beer said.
I would just fall into mush if my hubby would write me one. He would have it fucking made.
The two people in the relationship were relocating to different states for university. They were both avoiding the "stay together?" discussion, and the guy took the initiative by writing a letter dictating his thoughts.
I don't think a simple love letter would cause someone to get too comfortable in a relationship. They are just words on a piece of paper and even though it would be heartwarming in the whole scheme of things it doesn't mean nearly as much as actions do.
That's where I disagree. Words invoke meaning that is unique to the individual. What one phrase means to you will mean something completely different to someone else.
Publishing your convictions will cement your words in time. I just wrote an essay on all of this and included my original post.
The power of literacy...
The love letter didn't kill the relationship, the relationship was obviously over in her mind. His letter only made her more annoyed.
She most likely is over him or has another guy in mind. The letter (with her thinking) made him seem more weak unfortunately.
You could easily right something confessing your love for someone and how much they mean to you but what does it matter if your actions don't back it up? Just because I tell you I love you and promise to always be there doesn't mean I will.
I agree with you. Yes, love letters are romantic, but you have to back up the words you say or they really don't mean much.
I've had guys write me love letters that were at the time romantic. In the end it was just words and nothing more.
I really don't know and this kinda hits home for me right now.
My gf of 2+ years and I have been broken up for 3 weeks now, and I haven't seen her in almost a month. She was the one who broke it off with me. I've been pretty good about not initiating contact during this time, although it is really hard to do. I'm starting to think now I want to try to reach out to her because I still love her, and I thought about writing her a letter, either by hand or writing her an email and pretty much laying my heart out there for her.
My only concern with a love letter is that it screams desperation/clingyness. Me encroaching on her individual social life while losing out on my own social life without her I believe helped lead to the breakup. So I think a letter pretty much telling her how much I love her might just reinforce the feelings of being smothered in the relationship and cement her decision for good.
So I think love letters could be great, especially if you are still in a relationship and wanting to reaffirm your love for each other. However, to write a love letter to try to win an ex back might not be such a good idea.
Nope, it doesn't. But now you have a standard to hold me to. If the actions DO back up the words (which they did in the original post example), it is only reconfirming the words and giving them even more meaning. Too much meaning, perhaps.
Don't write her. Trust me.
I do not think i would care about a love letter if we were not together. Now being married and not expressing love enough. For the love letter to come
But i also agree about backing it up with action.
Love letters from somebody you love intensify things.
I would suggest writing a letter asking how she is, while at the same time stating that YOU are doing well (without making it seem like you are telling her to just show her you're not upset about her, rather you are stating you are doing well to merely show that you're content.). Keep it casual. Make sure to say that while you are doing well, you would appreciate it if space remained between you two, as you are doing well this way.
I can almost guarantee you that she will call you if you do that. Think about what I've advised, if you think it'll work for you, do it. If not, don't. I don't know the specifics of your relationship, but all I can say is that I have seen this tactic used many times to get an ex-back and it has worked every single time in the sense of getting the ex to actively initiate contact again (often to the degree of wanting to meet up and see each other).
So it was written by some 18 year old kid trying to keep his first relationship together? Yeah of course that isn't gonna work, for the usual reasons of them being young and not knowing what they really want, etc.
I think trying to "win someone back" in general is a bad idea though. It will just end up coming across as desperate and scaring the other person away.
I just don't know how else to initiate contact with her. The appealing aspect of a letter is to be able to get all of my thoughts straight and to put it out there for her without the back and forth that comes with a discussion where I might get caught up in the moment and start saying things I shouldn't.
I know I should just move on, but I still can't make myself believe that's what I want to do. My heart is still fully in love with her and I do not want to lose her out of my life.
Maybe I just need more time.
DON'T DO IT!!
Don't bother you'll just annoy her and make her less likely want to have anything to do with you. Besides since you're still in love with her chances are you'll find some way to end up pushing her away without even realizing it. Maybe at some point she might come to you looking to be friends but you really should just move on.
What is your reasoning?
A love letter stating all the things you love about a person in a not-too-over-the-top way would be beneficial to a relationshit, I feel.
However, stating the degree of your love in a love letter (which is what the typical love letter is) would just do harm, imo. You're giving the person a tangible standard to hold you to!
Why try to initiate contact with her?
She broke up with you.
If she wants to be with you she'll tell you.
Why do you need to initiate contact with her? She already told you how she felt by breaking up with you. You may not like her decision but you do need to accept it. You don't need to want to move on, you are going to move on because you have to. It's not your choice, she already made that choice for both of you.
All a letter would do is make her sigh and think "he's just as need and clingy as always"
lol i had a feeling that you were gonna reply the same time as me saying the same thing
I think a love letter just amplifies what you're feeling. So if you're into the relationship it would be awesome but if not then it might be the straw that breaks the camel's back.