Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Nev, Feb 5, 2009.
Would anyone here be ok with your SO having a crush on a co-worker or something similar?
some movie/television actor, sure. but not with someone she comes in contact with on a daily basis.
someone who they would have a very small marginal chance with ya no prob a coworker no
Maybe if he has a crush on an actress or sth, even that would not be too cool with me!
if i had a crush and didn't plan to do anything about it I for sure wouldn't tell my girlfriend. to avoid bringing up any insecurities in my girls head. there are plenty of girls out there that I am attracted to and could have potential crushes on.. and i most def would keep my head above water by avoiding the crush at all costs.
but it all comes down to the philos: why get a burger while I'm out, when I can come home and have filet mignon?
Nope! I thought I was because I trusted him, until the crush turned out to be the reason the relationship ended.
Nope. I ended it with an ex because she had a crush on someone
Most people wouldn't be okay with it because most people aren't honest with themselves or others. The truth is we all get "crushes" whether we tell our partner about them or not. I have no problem telling my gf when I find another girl attractive and she does the same to me.
To me it just sounds like you guys are just insecure your partner is going to leave you. It's okay to have a crush on someone they don't know, but if they actually know the person it's not? If you're that paranoid about your partner leaving you for someone else I think you need to find a new partner.
Threadstarter, do I know you?
I dunno, I think there is some merit in being upset if your SO has a crush on a coworker? Why?
Because, at least from my experience, a crush is not the same as physical attraction. Finding someone physically attractive is fine, you can't control that.
But at least from my experience, for a crush to occur, I have to do some things to make it happen. It starts with that physical attraction, but at some point I realize I like her, then start making the decision to be around her more often, to start thinking about her, etc.
If you're aware of your feelings, I don't think it should ever have to get to the point of a full blown crush. You realize what is starting to happen, and take steps to minimize it.
Exact same thing you would do if you started liking a married coworker.
Of course not. Unless it's on someone he can never get like Jessica Biel. He can fantasize all he wants about her or other women he'll never meet or get.
i thought that the crush was the beginning of those feelings. even if you are not acting on them, it still has to be called something, right? i just assumed it would be a crush, whether it was a big crush or a little crush.
and im not sure how i would feel. i have known when he has found people attractive (movie stars as well as people we know in real life) and that has not bothered me at all. i trust that he can think a chick is hot and still come home to me.
but as for a crush, we havent hit that point yet. im not stupid enough to think that in 60+ years of marriage it will never happen, and we have agreed that its better to be honest with each other even if it will hurt the other person at first, its helpful in the long run. i imagine one or both of us will have a crush on someone else at some point, whether its an active crush or not will probably greatly effect the way i feel about it (or the way he feels about me having one)
so TS, it depends on the situation.
I bet those people who don't care if their SO still talks to their ex wouldn't have a problem with it, tho
Seriously tho, even be careful of crushes on those people who are "out of reach" like movie stars and whatever. If your gf is hot it's not as unlikely as it sounds (depending on who's coming to town).
wow, that honestly shows your insecurity! You think in your gf's mind it should not be ANY ONE but you. Is she permitted to find other guys attractive by the way? to be honest most girls if not all of them (and guys) have points in their lives where they find some other guy attractive and even fantasize about them sexually not to mention they might dream of having sex with other people too. Do these bother you too? cause if they do you honestly can not find a girl who meet your standards!
Of course. It's human nature to find other people attractive.
There's a difference between finding someone attractive and "having a crush."
My (whore damaged goods) ex "had a crush" on a rockstar and ended up cheating on me with him (and then tried logically backward rationalizing it to me afterward ). She would always pull the "don't be so insecure" line (see my other thread).
So now that I've broken up with that slut, I realize now that it really should be all about me, and women with high interest levels don't tend to develop "crushes" on other guys.
Similarly, for me, it is all about my gf, and if I was developing "crushes" on other chicks I'd probably take that as a sign that my relationship is ending.
Again, that's different from "being sexually attracted" to someone else. I look at different hot chicks when I masturbate to internet porn. I'm sure by gf sees hot guys walking down the street sometimes. Human nature there.
No, I would not be okay with it. In fact I think I would end it. It is one thing to find someone cute/attractive, its another thing to have a crush and want them.
I agree with Falconer with this one, there is a difference between thinking someone is attractive and having a crush on someone. I find other women attractive but it is nothing more than a "hey that girls pretty hot". To me a crush means you want to date or have some type of a realtionship with them. I'm totally fine with my SO finding other guys attractive, it has to happen unless you celeb status, but no way is it acceptable for them to have a crush on someone.
I remember a thread years back where some guy was complaining that his gf was totally turned on by some guy she saw being a tough guy or roughing up some cops or something. He said he was bothered cuz she kept talking about the guy even after the event was over. The chick had a crush on the guy and, in this case, was also showing that she was attracted to the "bad guy" persona which the TS asking the question obviously was not.
I told him it was a red flag for a variety of reasons (not only because she was fixated on the guy but also because she was so visiably attracted to someone who was of a different fundamental personality construct than the poster) but everyone else was like "dude don't be so insecure."
I forgot who it was. I bet they broke up tho.
That was only a few months ago. I can't remember the guys' name on here either but I think I recall they broke up for unrelated reasons.
Really a few months ago? I thought I remembered reading that thread at my last job and i haven't worked there since April of 08
Unrelated reasons? I'm sure it was just another aspect of their incompatibility.
yes it was a few months ago, I was in this forum
have you ever seen the movie unfaithful? that started with a crush.
it was a hot movie. I masturbated to it