SRS WWOTD?

Hoodoo

OT Supporter
Jan 13, 2005
12,694
Chattanooga, TN
I figure we’re old enough some of us have been through this, and I don’t really have many people to ask so I wanted to get some advice.

My mom has a difficult / aggressive cancer and they are stopping treatment due to no benefit, so she’s receiving hospice care at home with my sister and I rotating in and out visits to help.

My stepfather is a cocksucker (veteran, drunk, ptsd, stroke victim) who she cared for with her last bit of good health, and actually moved back to her house mid-chemo to make sure he was ok. He recently threatened to cut off her oxygen, and today asked my 86 year old grandmother if she was there to slap her around for him since the back of his hand is tired.

So she needs to be removed. We’re starting 5 days of respite care to get her out of the house tomorrow. Of course this depends on her opinion100%, but would you recommend

-Keep her in hospice for $270/day
-Move her into an apartment with 24/7 caretaker for $16/hr
-She doesn’t want to do medicaid and go to a nursing home.

She’ll want to stay near home so I don’t think she’ll want to move with me or my sis. She has a $20k side account, and receives $1400/month disability. Stocks can be sold too.
 
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melroy

wonderin how many people ITT have been meditating
Apr 1, 2018
19,726
I'd probably curl up in a ball and cry for awhile. Cant imagine. Got no advice I can give you but I hope you can remain sane and not kill that mother fucker over however long this lasts.
 

TimzSI

#KeepFightingMichael
Oct 3, 2001
56,082
Zenadu
I’m sorry man, these are the most difficult choices. I might say hospice, but if not that an apartment/place she likes. I’m gathering from your statements that your home or sisters isn’t possible?
 
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nofriends

OT Supporter
Feb 22, 2005
10,966
CO
Ask what she wants to do and go with that. Her last bit of time should be spent doing whatever makes her the most comfortable.
 
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jeff2577

OT OG
Jul 30, 2001
4,414
Seattle/Bellevue
Sucks to go through this.

We had the choice to put my mother into hospice after she had a couple of massive strokes. After visiting and getting the tour showing all the cool features of the facility (that she would never use), we elected to keep her in the hospital until she finally succumbed.

Find out what will make her the most comfortable, and work around that. She may night have a choice, but to go into hospice care. Depending upon her condition, she may not really need to go into hospice immediately, but it probably needs to be an option towards the end.
 
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Hoodoo

Hoodoo

OT Supporter
Jan 13, 2005
12,694
Chattanooga, TN
I’m sorry man, these are the most difficult choices. I might say hospice, but if not that an apartment/place she likes. I’m gathering from your statements that your home or sisters isn’t possible?

My sister is is around 15hrs away and I’ve stayed about 3 hours away. The door is always open to her but I think she likes being near her mom / sisters.
 
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Firewall97

stay awhile and listen
Dec 28, 2002
184,893
Iowa
if she wont come live with you, how about you go take care of her? you'll be able to deal with the stepfather face to face and kick him out if he's a problem. let her live the rest of her life in peace under your direct care/supervision. hope it all works out. hang in there :hug:
 
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8legs

8eyes
OT Supporter
Mar 16, 2008
27,969
Webbywebz
I'd probably curl up in a ball and cry for awhile. Cant imagine. Got no advice I can give you but I hope you can remain sane and not kill that mother fucker over however long this lasts.
Samesies. Stay sane and shower her with love.
 

wizurd

OT Supporter
Mar 7, 2002
163,417
Las Vegas
I'd do whatever my mom asked me to do as long as she was in the right state of mind to make that decision. If not I'd choose her home and me and my siblings would rotate on care.


Sorry to hear this awful news. Best wishes to you and your family.
 
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Hoodoo

Hoodoo

OT Supporter
Jan 13, 2005
12,694
Chattanooga, TN
What cancer what stage and has it spread? Do you think its time for hospice?

Stage 4 Grade 3, poorly differentiated neuroendocrine adenocarcinoma with small cell characteristics. By the time she went to ER with pain it was already in the lung, pancreas, liver, and had lesions on her bones. Chemo put a dent in some of the tumors but others came up a few weeks later in her pleural space then they tried immunotherapy to stop it but the oncologist doesn’t consider itneffective. They were draining 2L of fluid off of her left lung every 2 1/2 weeks.

15FE9891-071E-410F-BDD9-E0DA041217CF.jpeg

It was her oncologists decision to stop treatment and her PCP recommended hospice. She’s in enough pain that they have her on 100mcg fentanyl and oxycodone every 4 hours. I think its good to begin getting affairs in order.

@wizurd we’re rotating in and out a week at a time 24/7. Just theres a shitbag here making life harder for her.

Dude is alive because its illegal to put him to sleep.
 

Carne Seca

Oaxaca Flocka Flame
OT Supporter
Apr 1, 2010
10,350
Xan Diego
She held out for a month but slipped away about two hours ago.

I managed to not kill her husband and her sister opened up her house to her in her last two weeks. Hurts like a motherfucker but its better than her battle with cancer.

condolences brotha.
 

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