MMA You can fight, but how's your mental toughness?

Discussion in 'OT Bar' started by gummypoop, Feb 10, 2010.

  1. gummypoop

    gummypoop New Member

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    this is something i clearly don't have.

    just minutes ago, i got in a heated altercation w/ my neighbor and i just stood there...getting BLASTED.

    backstory: so i got this neighbor, let's just say, who isn't your ideal neighbor. seems to me he likes to start things w/ people. for example, he yelled at me once when i threw a milk carton in his recycling bin (on recycling day). he came out of his car (he was going to work) and yelled, "HEY, WHAT THE FUCK? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I START THROWING SHIT IN YOUR RECYCLING BIN? HUH?" i'm thinking...ok, it's recycling day. everything is going to end up in the same place, it's no big deal. everything i say is interrupted and countered by another illogical statement. so i let him win and said sorry.

    yeah ok. so tonight, it kinda happened again. my mom was parking in a parellel street and he claimed that my mom hit his car. i standing in front of my mom's car to help guide her (because it was a really tight space!) when all of a sudden this guy comes blasting from his window (we live in a 4 family condo so our living space is rather adjacent). he says, "HEY U HIT MY BUMPER! YOU GUYS NEED TO LEARN SOMETHING CALLED RESPECT!" he starts going off for about a minute then gets out of his house. he stands between me and my mom going off again how inconsiderate we are w/ some racist remarks. i'm just standing there....listening and passive. feeling weak, unconfident, and slightly trembling.

    this guy is about: 170lbs~, 6 foot~
    i'm around: 130lbs, 5' 8"

    i currently train judo and jiu-jitsu. i'm pretty sure i can take him out but that's not important. i try to avoid conflicts like this, especially with someone you're gonna see almost everyday despite what happens. and to justify all this, i'm not the only neighbor who is fed up w/ him. my other neighbor thinks he's an ass too.

    so my question is, in situations like these:

    -what would you guys do here?
    -how do you build a good, strong mentality, especially against aggressive people?



    cliffs: asshole neighbor, extremely aggressive, how to deal with it?
     
  2. brolli

    brolli OT Supporter

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    how long have you been training "judo/jiu-jitsu". Is it bjj or japanese?


    and regarding your neighbor, if you truly feel that you didn't do any wrong then the best thing to do is man up and explain that to him. No need to interrupt what hes saying, but if he doesn't give you the same respect, then remind him. If you agree with your neighbor (that you are not respecting his property/belongings), then don't do it again.

    Fighting with people outside the gym is fucking stupid, don't do it.


    /lifecoach
     
  3. MyLittleAirport

    MyLittleAirport OT Supporter

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    This doesn't belong in the cage.
     
  4. Cro Cop

    Cro Cop OT Supporter

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    .
     
  5. RunninWild

    RunninWild How subtle of you

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    Chances are you're also a pleaser. You probably laugh with people a lot and have a habbit of leveling with people when it comes to opinions or beliefs even if you don't necessarily agree with them. It's for the sake of the conversation. If this kind of stuff is true then you just need to find where the strength lies within you to handle turbulent people. The trick is knowing how to defuse a situation.
    With this guy, you need to tell him that your mom didn't hit the car. You understand he's probably worried but you woulnt lie about that. Even tell him he can see for himself. You have to make sure when you speak your mind that you have the three c's. Cool, calm and collected. It wouldn't hurt to also be physically bigger than what you are now, because some people are just animalistic like that.
    So remember, hear what he has to say. Make your reply simple, nonaggressive and tell the truth. If he still has a problem then let it only be his problem as long as he isn't harassing or becoming a danger to you.

    Also, he must have a landlord? Or even ask the police what to do if he's that bad. Chances are it may get worse
     
  6. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    There are some simple strategies for this. I think the first time its perfectrly reasonable to be speechless, because you are caught completely off guard. Most people expect politeness from strangers and its a shock when someone just gets in your face. People like this guy rely on this fact.

    Now that you know what he is, just be prepared for it. Stay calm and don't pay attention to him when you see him. When he starts yelling, stop everything you're doing and ask "why are you yelling at me? I've done nothing wrong" (this is assuming you actually haven't). By asking questions you can cut off his train of thought and you don't have to feel like you're being interrogated by a parent. Stay calm, but assertive. Don't shrug your shoulders, don't stick your face out, don't stick out your chin, don't look down your nose at him, don't wave your arms, don't bulge your eyes or make hissing or pfft or gasping sounds. These are all weak or aggressive moves that give him the upper hand or escalate the situation. Simply stand still and ask politely but assertively why you are getting yelled at, and await a responce. Odds are good he'll wave you off and walk away. If he escalates, then you can keep rephrasing the fact that you don't understand why you are being yelled at. If hes a real sadist he will come up to you and calmly and in a friendly tone make threats to you, but if hes just an angry fart like he sounds he'll give up after the third "I don't know why I'm getting yelled at."
     
  7. brolli

    brolli OT Supporter

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    :bowdown:

    pro advice
     
  8. Mejnoon

    Mejnoon Well-Known Member

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    Thats essentially what he did...avoided a physical altercation by being conciliatory. I don't see any difference except that you're telling him to be cool, calm and collected while being conciliatory rather than revealing the fact that he's intimidated.

    He posted asking how he can condition himself to stop being intimidated in such situations. If it was as easy as "be calm, cool and collected" I'm sure he would have done just that.

    Thats kind of a tough one...I really don't know what to tell you dude. Just training in martial arts is a good first step...as your proficiency develops your level of confidence will develop along with it. I would suggest maybe getting in to a striking art, if for no reason but to get the chance to spar...get past that fear of getting hit. Its a conditioned response...you've got to put yourself in stressful situations repeatedly under controlled circumstances, so you can develop the ability to react according to your training if you find yourself in a real stressful situation.
     
  9. checkii

    checkii ฝรั่งตาน้ำข้าว

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    step one should be a cheeseburger
     
  10. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    That's a weird situation. If a guy at the bar shoulder checks me or something, I usually just ignore and tell myself "Is it worth jail? Is it worth missing 2 weeks of striking class for a hurt hand?"

    But with a bully who lives right next to you, it's different. You'll probably never see the bar tough guys again, but you'll be forced to see this guy regularly, so something has to happen.

    Honestly, if you were to get loud with this guy and stand up to him, I'd bet all the money I have in my savings ($10) that he would back down. You have to be ready to fight though if you go that route.

    From the 6th grade until just after high school, I hung out with a guy who everybody considered the "toughest" guy around, or whatever that means. It all seems silly now, but he would never back down from anyone and I only saw the guy fight twice. However, I saw him shut down at least 40 would-be tough guys by being an excellent shit talker and just intimidating the guys.

    What I learned from him, and then through my own experience as a bouncer, is that 99% of the aggressive assholes like your neighbor completely puss out when they are confronted. I would say that the mental toughness comes from experience, by dealing with guys like this. Even when you're scared, forcing yourself to be an actor and to stand up to this guy. Once you see that they almost always cower away will build your confidence. And another thing is that how tough a guy acts NEVER has any relation to his fighting ability, ever. In fact, it usually has an inverse relationship. The quiet nerd in the library usually can fight as well as the toughguy wannabe.

    I'm sure using the "verbal judo" or whatever is probably the more mature and legal route to take, but some guys just need the shit beat out of them.
     
  11. THE LIOG

    THE LIOG EVVVVVVVVEERRYYOONNNNNNNE EEEEE

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    I don't see you being able to become much mentally tougher if you're an adult and you respond this way. After certain chemical changes take place during puberty it's pretty hard to change your behavior. Just avoid the guy.
     
  12. THE LIOG

    THE LIOG EVVVVVVVVEERRYYOONNNNNNNE EEEEE

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    :werd:

    If you're dead set on confronting this guy, don't hold back.
     
  13. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Also, mental toughness probably isn't the best word to use here.

    Confrontations with guys isn't a problem for me, but I can rarely build up the courage to get on a dance floor. I'm confident in my performance in college, but I'm terrified of math.

    Just because you aren't confident in dealing with confrontations doesn't mean you don't have mental toughness. It's not a matter of something you do or don't have, but rather a matter of what areas you have it in.

    I know this is just a technical thing to point out, but telling yourself that you aren't mentally tough could subconsciously hurt you overall when it simply isn't true.
     
  14. Lokman

    Lokman New Member

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    If you go into an argument willing to fight, 98 out of 100 times you won't have to because the vibe you will give off will make you opponent cower.

    I think men are like dogs, they can sense fear and weakness.
     
  15. RunninWild

    RunninWild How subtle of you

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    and smell pussy.






















    Whats his pussy smell like?
     
  16. BritishHumpingWitch

    BritishHumpingWitch New Member

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    This is what you do: ignore him. He's obviously looking for trouble and senses you're (and I say this in the nicest way possible) "weak". Don't give him any reason what so ever (re: tossing your rubbish into his rubbish can, etc.) to vent his anger / frustration out on you. He obviously has issues, don't fall for the bait, just ignore him, that's the best way to "handle him" or any cunt that feels the need to act like a twat.
     
  17. Kuet

    Kuet New Member

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    this is true but it could also backfire really badly...
     
  18. Kuet

    Kuet New Member

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    All good advice, but how crazy is this guy? Has he ever raised a hand at you?
    He really could be a whackjob, obviously he is angry at life, probably insecure about himself.
    This one time when i was doing cold calling this guy just came up to me and got super aggressive in my face and threatened to beat me up.
    Now im not saying this is a good example, but i just calmly told him
    "Just because you are upset at life, maybe you got laid off or maybe you havent been laid in a while, but dont take that shit out on me you asshole " while looking him right in the eyes- i saw him compute and then he said " sorry you are right " and we shook hands :h5:

    But then again he could have swung at me too. In which case my hours of practicing octagon control would have come in handy.
     
  19. localfool

    localfool Member

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    I agree with a lot of the mature responses in this thread but your neighbor sounds like a douche so in your situation I'd probably just laugh in his face. Nothing pisses an angry person off more than being laughed at, and if you don't get punched you at least get to ruin his day instead of the other way around.

    Sarcastic smirk + a bit of laughing = them leaving mad as fuck.

    I got in a motorbike accident the other day and I'm still giggling at my immaturity. Sucks being out like $2000 but at least the asshole left more pissed off than me.
     
  20. Hood Moses

    Hood Moses I part the Black Seas...

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    Should have just Fedor'ed his ass and started swinging haymakers, then boom when he falls to the ground, get the hooks in and RNC his ass. :bowdown:

    But you didnt, cause you actin like a bitch.
     
  21. localfool

    localfool Member

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    It goes both ways, they don't know what you'll do either. I've dealt with retard neighbors before and would still prefer to take my chances rather than let them walk all over me. Laughing is a great tool because even if you're angry or frustrated they'll just get more upset because they're not getting the desired result. It's also a mental thing. Smiling and laughing at the situation will actually relieve some stress/tension and you'll inadvertently convince yourself that it's not a big deal. And really it isn't.

    When I do (wooden) knife sparring with my trainer we automatically force smiles if we get stabbed/scraped/hurt. Forcing yourself back into a neutral or even somewhat of a positive mind state will help you keep your cool.
     
  22. Epik High

    Epik High OT Supporter

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    I agree with a lot of what was said.

    Sounds like you're looking not only for an immediate solution with your neighbor, but I bet you're also looking to be a more overall confident person. You could try lifting weights and look to improve overall physique. It could help with the way you view yourself and improve confidence.

    You could also try working in a retail store. I used to be a pleaser myself until I worked at Best Buy and just got hammered down. It really forced me to learn to be assertive, and even a little aggressive. I swear you really learn how to deal with people when you work in retail or any other customer-facing job.
     
  23. Optamix

    Optamix New Member

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    I manned up.

    [​IMG]


    Cost me a few grand in surgery.

    Really wasn't worth it.

    Just tell him to piss off and ignore him.
     
  24. BritishHumpingWitch

    BritishHumpingWitch New Member

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    :hug:
    Is that a pin in your hand?
     
  25. checkii

    checkii ฝรั่งตาน้ำข้าว

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    nope, adamantium claw. dude's mad nerdy. he's saving up to get a full warhammer working robot soon.
     

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